Do my in-laws need to be in my wedding? Does everyone get a plus one? Are party favors a necessity? How far in advance do I send the save the dates and invites? These are all questions I had, my friends have had, and many other brides have when planning their wedding. Our parents like to tell us how it was when they got married, back in the 70’s and 80’s. Needless to say, wedding etiquette has changed since then. BUT, it is not a free for all. Weddings are still a formal affair, there are still unwritten rules around it, and I’m here to write it out for you.
You might be thinking who is she and why should I listen to her? Valid thought, but here are my credentials: Former bride (covid bride, unfortunately), bridesmaid, maid of honor, and most importantly, I used to work weddings for a living. At one point, I actually had a business plan written up to start a wedding venue! I LOVE weddings. Everything about them – the design, the experience, the food and music, the flow. I study these things, and boy have I gathered intel over the years. From the middle eastern wedding with 500+ guests, the small affair, the backyard bash, the elegant ballroom wedding, you name it! Wedding etiquette holds true no matter the type of celebration.
Weddings are tough to navigate, but this list will guide you through the wedding planning process. These are the do’s and don’ts of modern day weddings!
Who gets a plus one?
Does everyone get a plus one? The short answer, no. The long answer, most people, yes. Let me explain… Many people think the rules around a plus one can be blurred depending on age, relationship status, relationship to the bride and groom etc.. So let’s simplify it. If your guest is above 21, they get a plus one. Regardless of if they have a significant other or not, they’re an adult and should be given the option to bring a date. There are very few instances in which you can get away with not giving a plus one.
- They are under the age of 21
- Or ALL of the following must be true
-
- They are a family member or close friend of the bride or groom and their family is attending the wedding
- You know they don’t have a significant other
- They are around 21 years old (anyone older than that still gets a plus one)
If you are on the fence about if someone gets a plus one, when in doubt, give them one. Let me put it into perspective… Guests are potentially paying for a plane ticket, a hotel room, a dress, maybe even taking off work to come to your wedding, getting a wedding gift. This adds up to hundreds of dollars. That is quite the ask for a solo person spending their weekend celebrating you, and not getting to bring a date. Give them a plus one to join them for a fun wedding weekend!
Do my in-laws need to be in the wedding?
This is very family specific. Some people are so close with their brother/sister-in-law, others are not. A good baseline is to have blood relatives in your wedding. This means your husband’s sister should be a bridesmaid (just like your brother should be a groomsman for your husband), but it isn’t necessary to have their spouses (husband’s brother’s wife). The blood relatives take priority here. As long as there is a relationship there (aka you aren’t enemies), then your husband’s sister should stand up at your wedding. After all, this is your family from now on. I know your big day is about you, but it is also about people that love and support you, so take that into consideration when pairing down your bridal party!
Are party favors a necessity?
No! This might be a hot take, but this is an area where I think you can cut back costs. No need to customize mints, have individually wrapped chocolates, homemade caramel apples. Will it save you a ton of money? Probably not. But, I can confidently say I have never been to a wedding and felt disappointed that there wasn’t a party favor. Most of the time guests forget to grab them anyway! This one won’t make or break your big day, so if you need to eliminate, go for it.
How far in advance do I send the save the dates and invites?
Save the dates – no less than six months, invites – three months. This is for a local wedding (local to most of your wedding guests). A solid six months is needed to give guests a heads up. Mark their calendars, figure out childcare, make travel arrangements etc.. I don’t think you can send “save the dates” too early. Invites should be sent out around three months before the wedding, with at least a month and a half to two months for people to respond.
If you are doing a destination wedding, this timeframe is even longer, and dependent on the location. If your wedding is abroad, you need to give as much of a heads up as you can. If you have it booked two years out, send your save the date a year in advance so people can plan. They might tack on a week of family vacation in Europe after the wedding and need all the time to plan. If your destination is stateside, then a good eight months or more to plan (flights, hotels, house sitters) is respectful. You have quite a bit to plan for your big day, but remember, your guests have to make plans too.
Remember, through all of the do’s and don’ts, this is your day. Do what is best for you and your spouse, but use this as your base for what is “standard” wedding etiquette, and enjoy your big day!
Thank you! I’m planning my wedding in 2025 and we both have a large families. Your recommendations about the bridal party are very helpful. I’ am having 8 bridesmaids and 8 groomsmen and this post is perfect. Thanks again!!
Natalie
That is a big bridal party, I am glad this helped!! So exciting, best wishes for your big day 🙂